Variations on a Theme

It is now March. The month of my birth and I am going to be 28. I am definitely not one for caring about my age because I don’t think it will ever affect my personality. But, it does feel weird that we are just 2 years from 30. Not because I care about turning 30, but because we decided that at 30 we would begin to think about discussing maybe having kids.

I started to write a whole post about my pros and cons on child bearing, but other than wanting to talk about the prospective future hobbit child I may force out of my uterus it seems overwhelming to talk about. So, I’ll save it for my 29th birthday month.

Instead let’s talk about home ownership….again. After the bursting pipe incident we decided maybe we should get a few estimates on getting a full bathroom installed in the back room. We knew it would be a big project, but we figured we’d get a few estimates and then figure out what we needed to pay for and what we could take on ourselves. The first estimate came in at over

$12,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were thinking it would hopefully be around $8 and then we could break that down into the necessities (like new plumbing) and what we could do with helpful friends (like drywall, tiling, etc). I guess I am just totally naive when it comes to the cost of things in this world. But, I almost had a heart attack.

The bathroom is by no means a necessity and before we destroyed it earlier this winter we figured it would be a more distant future project. But, now that it is a room of crap we thought it would be nice to have it fixed up with a bathroom before the summer and pool time. So, in our optimism we figure let’s get a few more estimates. Then we will see what we get as far as tax refund and bonuses this year.

We filled out our taxes with high hopes since everyone talks about how great it is to have a house when you’re doing taxes. We thought “yay government money!” Well for some unknown reason my work changed my withdrawal amount and they withdrew $3k less in taxes this year. Then it turns out that we owed $3 less in taxes so we broke even (well we owe $100). I know I know I know: this is how taxes should be. You should get to the end of the year and break even. But, I am a moron and never look at my paycheck and since I didn’t notice the slightly extra money we were getting all year I ignorantly thought we would be getting a refund. And I know a refund is silly, but it feels a lot less painful to spend a refund than it does to spend your savings. That money is already all cozied up in the savings account making friends and increasing in population. So, that was one funding source gone this year.

Then as anyone who works with me knows our company did terribly this year so bonuses are super low. I am totally not complaining on this account. I mean a bonus is a bonus so anything is better than zero. But, the huz is disappointed because in another ill advised budgeting plan he was already imagining all the bathroom we could do with that money after putting a good amount into the principal of our house. Well, it looks like principal will be paid and then a small small amount will be left to buy something small for the bathroom.

This isn’t a make or break situation. Like I said the bathroom is not a need, it is a luxury and if we need to put off that project til next year or the year after that then we do. Or we start learning how to build stuff. If that is the case there will definitely be tons of posts in the future about our building adventures. If we don’t kill each other we will hopefully learn some new skillz. We can totally do it!

Also, on the home improvement front. The previous home owners decided it would be a brilliant idea to paint the top of the stair railing navy blue. Our living room is gold and burgandy. The navy has got to go. So, our next project is entitled

Learning How to Strip

I like the sounds of it and I do not feel the need to specify that I mean stripping wood. Which now that I have typed it looks just as inappropriate. I am actually really excited about this project because if I get good at it (which of course I will) then I can learn how to refinish furniture. So many exciting new developments in life!

Also also, the theater I have done my last few productions at has asked me to be on their board of governors. I have until March 19th to write a biography which is hilariously vague and makes me want to write something ridiculous. It seems like a cool opportunity to be more involved and learn how it works behind the scenes. And I’ll get to see every show since I’ll have to house manage performances. So that is another new development that I will be expounding on. Should be fun since it is 2 people in their 20s trying to modernize and then a bunch of old heads who have been there forever.

This whole post is mostly to get my head on straight since I have a million things going on in it. I bought a planner this year and it is helping a ton, but my head is still a big blur of to do lists. Like training for Broad Street 10 mile run the first weekend in May. See, another development I forgot.

Plus, my sis is getting married in August so plenty of bridesmaid activities and the possibility that I may audition for Hairspray this summer.

It’s official. My year is already booked up.

 

Pro-cras

So, I’ve learned my lesson again about procrastinating. It’s been so long since I posted that there is way too much to catch up on! Instead, here are the bullet points:

– We went out Christmas tree shopping. Huz complained the entire time that it was stupid, then I cried, then he apologized. And it was fat and awesome:
 I also got some dollar store dinosaurs, spray painted them white and hung them on the tree. Then I tied on some old chandelier crystals. I call it the ice age. Ignore the ugly white shades. I am making roman shades as my next craft!

– Huz made up for his Holiday grumping by getting me the best bike in the whole world!!!
 It is so super awesome with colors and a spot for a basket and a big seat! I just need to get a sweet bell now. I am going to go home and ride it through the nighborhood tonight because I am a child.

– My nephew got even cuter:
 My favorite thing about him is that he somehow knows I have the energy of a toddler so he always wants to play! We played a game where we ran in circles while he sang “Brazzle Dazzle Day”.  It made me so happy that my brother is raising him to love Pete’s Dragon.

– My niece managed to get really fat and awesome in just 3 months:
She is a living cabbage patch kid. I just need to make her a yarn wig. I wish I had a picture of her thighs for more fat evidence. She is so cute since she is starting to laugh! Seriously. she is the fattest ever.

Being surrounded by kids all the time does make me feel more ready to be an adult. But, I am definitely in no rush since the rest of our weekend involved a holiday wedding of partying all night and sleeping 4 in a couch bed. I love my friends! And a cookie baking day with some of my girls!!!

Also, in the meantime I was in one of the best shows ever Crazy For You. Now I have been in this musical 3 times, but this was just the best! So much fun and dancing and new friends! Plus, my dad was in it which makes it all the better. I am enjoying catching up on sleep and relaxation, but I miss it like crazy. Especially my red wig:
That’s me on the right and by bestie on the left. There are probably a thousand other funny things that happened to me, but I am just going to have to start over today since I’m a slacker. So, from now on I’m up to date!

The past few days

Saturday – One of our friends is moving to Spain for a year or two to teach English which is awesome especially because now we can go visit her. This past Saturday she had a going away party. The crowd is always a little weird because she went to our high school and then transferred halfway through. Not that we are all that tame, but her other high school friends are K-razy (yes, check out that K).

I define this as “we still party like we are in high school and have no control.” My friend Kristin and I spent 85% of the party standing in the kitchen watching the chaos and making a running commentary. Here I will introduce the cast of characters:
Crutchy – Not quite as lovable as the Newsies version, Crutchy is a loud mouthed roommate who was on crutches.
Stripey – The younger sister of a friend who isn’t quite out of the college phase and was wearing a striped shirt.
GS (Gray Sweater) – Another younger sister who is still in college party mode.
Topenga – No lie this girl looked exactly like Topenga from Boy Meets World bangs and all. I told her this and she was super offended which confuses me because Topenga was awesome.

So, the night went like this: Crutchy starts making out with Stripey in the middle of the living room. Since we are now too old for this ridiculousness the only people watching were us (a bit dumbfounded and also laughing) and one dude who is the only one loving all of it. Then they stop and are giggling about how silly and drunk they are. Next Crutchy starts making out with GS and the same thing happens. I was feeling very old by this point.

For the next while various couples of Crutchy, Stripey, GS and Hoodie (random dude in a hoodie) would disappear into the bathroom. Then Stripey and GS start yelling at each other until they’re crying and hugging. I can only hope it was jealousy over who got to kiss the girl on crutches next. Every girl’s dream. All of these shenanigans went on for way too long and we were getting a little bored. Except for when Topenga saw us laughing and was like “you could just say it to our faces.” And we said “OK. We think you’re ridiculous and we’re laughing at you.”

When we thought it couldn’t get any better we look up just in time to see Crutchy fall down a flight of stairs and bust a hole into the dry wall. Now I need to preface this with the fact that according to my friend Crutchy is an attention needer (surprise) and even being on crutches has been all about the attention getting. Plus, seeing something drunk tumbling down the stairs followed by their crutches is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. So I had to stifle my laughing and run outside to grab Kristin and tell her the amazingness she missed. I wish I had a picture at least of the hole in the wall.

Last, but not least Crutchy’s friend from work (did I forget to mention they’re all teachers? I fear for my children) proceeded to puke ON the bathroom door. And I mean ON. They live in a log cabin house and the doors have a bunch of crossbeams and there was chunks resting on the crossbeams. I know I have done some dumb things in my life, but I feel like I got over it quite a few years ago. Even at my brother’s wedding in my parents’ hotel room I managed to make it to the bathroom. At this point we decided it was time to leave since there was no way it was getting better than that.

Sunday – Now this is the best news of all! I’m in the musical Crazy for You right now and the guy who was supposed to play the father in the show dropped out. So, my dad is going to be in it! This is super exciting for me because my dad and I have always been into theater, but he’s never been in a show. We talk all the time about doing one together and finally it is working out. He’s so cute and nervous about it and it is going to be the best! So, everybody better get ready for an explosion of awesome!

Monday – Adultery spouse contacted me again. I haven’t updated about this yet, but she has been pretending ever since that night that she is an alcoholic which is what caused the incident. I have no interest in being involved in that lie. I was trying to let it go, but every few days she was texting huz or I to say things like “5 days sober :)” I  couldn’t take it anymore so I wrote back and said something along the lines of “I’m glad you’re doing well. The whole thing seems weird with the ‘alcohol made me cheat on my husband’ thing. It’s fine if you guys want to work through it that way, but I just don’t want to be involved.”

Apparently me saying I don’t want to be involved translated in her brain to let’s get together because I got another message that said “Can we get together to talk.” I don’t even want to get into the list of reasons I have to say No. There is a line between being there for someone and being in the middle of their shiz. And I have zero interest in being in the middle of someone’s marriage issues. And most of all if I had cheated on my huz in someone’s back yard I would never want to speak to/see them ever again. How are you not embarrassed at all?

I’m kind of sad that my funny post ended on a downer note so I will officially end with this:

this is exactly what i will look like when i grow up

 

Thought of the day

Sometimes I think it’s funny when you put lettuce and tomato on a vegi burger.

MIA

Well, I’m officially an inconsistent blogger at best. But I feel like that is consistent with my personality so I’ll take it.

In the meantime I have missed out on so many things I wanted to talk about:

Our fence is built and approved by the insurance company so I don’t need to worry about anyone breaking a leg trying to break into my pool.

we built this! and we ripped out that stupid pond and planted grass

The house is almost all painted, just the bathroom left really. Also, climbing up on a ladder that’s propped on your staircase while your huz gingerly holds it steady is a lesson in marital trust.

Our oven is fixed, but then we realized our dishwasher was also broken. Like geniuses we figured that one out because no matter what we run through there it smells like a carcass. We are currently going on Sears visit number 5 and no fix. Thank goodness both of our mothers like to hang out by the pool so we don’t have to take any more days off.

Currently about 8 of my friends/family members are pregnant which is obviously exciting and adorable but also terrifying since I am nowhere near that point in my life. It also makes me slightly terrified when I hear all these stories about “accidental” pregnancy and I start contemplating taking 3 birth control pills a day. Tangent: for those of you who are not preventing pregnancy in ANY way it is not an accident. If I jump out of a plane without a parachute it is not an accidental death. I’m starting to question my morals that I just compared accidental pregnancy to suicide.

I am crocheting blankets like crazy for all the adorable babies that will be in my life, but in usual slack Allison form I forgot to take pictures this morning. That will have to be the next post where I brag about my grandmotherly hobbies.

I have been reading teenage books like crazy. The Hunger Games series (along with watching too much Dexter) has turned my nightly dreams into violent life and death struggles. Also, I am so emotionally involved in these books that somewhere inside me I am convinced I’m really living in a dystopian society trying to save Peeta. Also, once this series is over I will fall into a deep depression until huz learns how to decorate cakes and helps me overthrow our oppressive capitol. It’s so sweet how he has sacrificed so much to save me. That’s how I knew it was true love…my lines are getting a bit blurry.

Work has been ridiculous this week and then I’ve been helping my friend run dance rehearsals for the musical Titanic. Somehow I function better when I’m overbooked and tired. On the same note I got cast as Tess in the musical Crazy for You at the same theater where I did South Pacific. I am so excited to tap dance again! Plus Tess gets to be the snarky side kick which I always love. Snarky is such a fantastic word.

Pools are expensive. Between chemicals and electric bills and beer we are having a big month. But, I have to admit the awesomeness of having a pool pretty much makes up for it. It just means we never turn on the air conditioning anymore for fear of the bill.

I normally only drink decaf, but this morning my huz made me delicious and strong coffee which might explain my disjointed post. Read it as if I was writing it super fast with no thought because that is what happened.

I have no fun way of ending this train of thought tirade so I will just ride off into the sunset heading for my pool where I will lay all weekend reading Mockingjay.

Stories

I have been trying to post these stories all week, but my work computer decided to freeze every time I would open my dashboard. Until today.

Story One:
Our apartment is in this little wooded area. I was going to say in the woods, but remembered that less than an acre of trees probably doesn’t count as woods. At night we get to enjoy the smell of skunks, hearing foxes killing bunnies and the awful screeching of raccoons. Yes, they screech.

The creepiest part is that to get to our fifth floor apartment you have to walk over a bridge through the woods and sometimes at night when it’s very dark and ominous the raccoons scream around you. I have gotten in the habit of banging my feet really loud so they stay away. And I jingle my keys as if that’s a frightening noise.

So, a few nights ago I came walking down the path and saw what I thought was a cat. It ran around the corner and I didn’t think anything of it until I got up to the bridge and realized a big ass raccoon is standing on the other side of the bridge. Now the  raccoon had two choices to get off the bridge: unlock the apartment building door and go inside, or go through me to get off of the bridge. So, it’s screeching and I’m screaming and shaking my keys with a vengeance. Then it started creeping towards me and I ran off the bridge like I was a victim in a slasher movie. And then it ran within a few feet of me to get back to the woods. So freaky. He looked like this:

tried to eat my face

I realize raccoons are way smaller than us, but I started imagining little raccoon fangs in my face and then I imagined I would have to get all those rabies shots. And there’s like 10 of them they give you in the stomach and I am petrified of needles. Like hyperventilating freaking out kind of petrified. So, my relief was intense when I did not get mauled by a raccoon. I am also kind of afraid of squirrels when they come near me.

Story 2:
Daylight savings time seriously messes with my brain. I never thought one little hour could do that, but since Sunday I can’t fall asleep at night, I wake up at least 15 times during the night and when I wake up I feel like I am in a zombie like-medicine head state of being all morning. I even have attractive circles under my eyes all week.

In addition to my zombie brains I have been having the most ridiculous dreams all week. On Tuesday night I dreamt that Huzbee and I were running down the street because an evil being was attacking us. This is what the evil being of my dreams looked like: She looked like a zany old woman with giant purple hair and big cat eye glasses and she was floating on a cloud high above the earth (my dream was switching between my point of view and the imaginary camera in space). She had a bunch of rabid fighting dogs on strings and she would throw them down at us. Then when we would try to fight back she would pull the string and pull the dogs back to safety. I love when ridiculous dreams seem scary at the time.

I also had a dream last night that a few of my friends and I were staying at my aunt’s house.  Mind you, this aunt is crazy and I haven’t really been to her house since I was like eight and we all try to avoid her cause she’s super weird (she married in). So, we’re having a sleep over there and my aunt is showing us how she sponge painted the wall with gold and pink and we all pretended to like it. Then my friends and I all got in the shower in bathing suits and had a soap fight while singing showtunes.

One of the other one’s this week involved a T-rex attack, but that one wasn’t as out of the ordinary. I’m hoping that by next week my brain can wrap itself around a one hour difference. Makes me second guess my ability to travel through time zones. When I went to Vegas last year I would wake up at 5am every morning and be wide awake. I guess I wasn’t partying hard enough.

Bowie knew Ch-ch-ch-changes

Before I could even start my real post I realized that my boobs are such a ridiculous shelf today that I had to physically brush the crumbs off of them. Most embarrassing part is that it is 4 pm and I ate lunch at 12:30.

 So, last night we went in to sign some more house paperwork which is so exciting (mostly because I push all of the stressful stuff to the back of my mind until we move in and I have an emotional breakdown that when I say “home” from now on it won’t mean my parents’ house). While we were in there our agent told us how far ahead of the game we are because we got the loan office all of our paperwork and we are already approved. She said a lot of people don’t have their paperwork in until the day of settlement.

 As we have all learned I am a procrastinator, but when it comes to important things like signing and scanning patriot act papers so they know we’re not setting up a terrorist headquarters in our new home I am usually on top of my game. I was just so surprised. Home buying is pretty high up there on the significant life steps chart and I would think anyone would want it to go smoothly. Especially if it just means getting together some bank statements and signing on the dotted line.

 The home buying process is also funny because you find out all of these personal things about the sellers. Like we now know he owes more on the house than they originally paid for it mostly due to their nasty divorce and now that they are selling the house someone is trying to sue them for the house money. Oh and the new wife has also told us about how it was her dream house (which doesn’t make sense to me since he bought it and fixed it up with his first wife) and that his ex-wife’s kids occasionally come by and egg the house. I kind of love people that volunteer their personal information. Huzbee finds it to be stressful since he worries about their stability, but I just think it’s hilarious.

 Our agent is another one who loves to talk about personal matters. We have learned her entire life story including when she called Huzbee after our first meeting to ask how to get into her ex-husband’s work books to see where he was hiding his money. She assumed since we were accountants we would know how to break into a company’s financials. She also seems to know everyone and every house we drive by she’ll tell us about their dirty little secrets. It’s so funny. She also told us about the time a snake came through her ducts to eat the baby birds living there and fell from her kitchen ceiling.

 I am full of tangents today, but the real point of my post is that life is about to change real drastically soon and I doubt I’m ready for it. I stay busy and excited for new things, but I really don’t deal well with change. And having a new home is a bit daunting for me. It doesn’t even have to do with the work a house takes because I’m looking forward to that part. It has to do with the fact that I’m never going to live in my parents’ house again and I’m never going to walk up to their attic for Christmas decorations and I’m never going to do laundry in their basement because now I have to do it on my own.

 I’ll never ride my bike around my parents’ yard again and pretend I’m going over moguls when I get to the part covered in big tree roots. Not that I’ve done that for years, but it’s the fact that I’m starting things over and I never feel like I’m ready for that. My mom is supposed to make me waffles and ice cream when dad’s not home. I’m not supposed to make them myself. And dad is supposed to watch silly movies with me and little L is supposed to play soccer with me where the goal is between the trashcans. I know I’ll get over it because I always do. Hell, I got married and survived. It’s just sad that my life is never going to be the same way again.

 And it’s not about the way my life is now. My life is pretty awesome. It’s just the sadness of knowing that the way you felt or the things you did are officially in the past and won’t ever be back. I won’t ever be able to be a 3^rd grader flying a kite and rolling down a hill. I’ll be an adult doing those things, but it just isn’t the same. It’s like when I’m staying home sick and I have to make my own Kool-Aid. It’s always better through a straw in a plastic orange cup with a safety lid. And when I come in from playing in the snow there isn’t a cup of hot cocoa waiting for me in my Minnie Mouse mug.

 I have a tragic catharsis session every time my life changes in a big way. When I got to college I cried, when broseph got married I sobbed (exaggerated by wine of course), right before my wedding I had a hyperventilation session that my life was changing so I guess I’m just waiting on my big house breakdown. And huzbee is going to have to learn some traditions so that I don’t die of change, especially when it comes to my Minnie Mouse mug.

Consistency

Consistency is something I struggle with in a huge way (as evidenced by the fact that I can’t keep a schedule of writing in my blog every few days). I even have trouble getting the things I love into a schedule. I LOVE yoga and want to do it every day. But, I usually only end up doing it a few days a week because I can’t keep a schedule even when it’s something I love.

I know I should memorize my lines for South Pacific because if I just read the script every day and memorized a little at a time it would be easier and stress free.  I decided that two weeks ago and finally read through it yesterday. Fail on that one.

I always start new crafts because I get super excited to make something. Then I get bored and start something new. I currently have 1 cross stitch, 1 crochet blanket, 1 pair of knitted gloves, 1 quilt, 1 stuffed animal, 2 dresses and a wool coat cut out and in various stages of crafting. And when the house comes around I’m sure that will be multiplied by half painted and  half designed rooms that only have one set of curtains because I got bored before finishing them. I really really really am going to work on it…

Another example: I bought Rosetta Stone Spanish levels 1, 2 and 3 (becuase I’m ambitious like that). For the first few months I worked through it for an hour every week night. I was so proud that I would soon look like the lady in the bottom left who enjoys apples so much more now that she can say apple in spanish.

My Future

Last night I found it in the bottom of a bin in my closet. I figure I can at least sell it on amazon for a few hundred bucks.

I haven’t been on facebook in over a month even though I know there are messages and pictures waiting. I haven’t loaded pictures online since Thanksgiving. I haven’t ordered all the wedding prints I always wanted. Or the album. Alot of that is driven because my new love is cooking so I abandoned all other projects for the new thing. Cooking will most likely also fall into the pile of lost passions in the future.

So, here it is, my big announcement that I will be striving for consistency! My starting date is going to be the day we move into our house (end of April). I admit I’m so lame for procrastinating my date to stop procrastinating. But, it is for good reasons since I have quarter close at work, South Pacific rehearsals, dinner theater rehearsals and shows and buying a house. I’m giving myself a pass for the next month…or two…

On a better note we got out of our lease with no penalties. They’re keeping our security deposit, but we got our additional two month rent penalty waived. In the end I guess I should thank the roaches for giving us an excuse. Nevermind, that whole experience has been way too gross to be thankful for. Seriously how could they even imagine we’d pay a penalty when we’ve found roaches in our bed? If I ever see one in our new house I’m going to burn it down.

The plays are going well and I’m excited that spring is finally poking it’s head out! I can only feel optimistic when the day is sunny.

p.s. I totally had a dream last night that Colin Firth was pushing me in a swing on the beach but one time he pushed too hard and the whole swing set fell over and we had a good long laugh about it. Then the dream morphed to where my cousin Tet and I and her new baby were hanging out on the roof of a building in Russia talking about how crowded the city was. I blame it on allergy medicine.